Thursday, November 6 practice writing a news article from reporter notes

This assignment's grade  will show up in marking period 2.

Please read the following information on leads. Take your time and compare the flawed leads to those that are better,  for these are the criteria upon which your own news story will be assessed.

 When you have finished, there are two sets of reporter's notes.
Please rewrite the stories, beginning with an effective lead.

1.       Avoid overcrowding the lead.

Crowded MORTON -- Grant Zorn, state trooper who investigated the crash at 3 a.m. Sunday resulting in the deaths of three Morton youths, said at an inquest Friday that William C. Libolt of Chillicothe, whose car ran over Larry, 7, and Martin, 19, told him he did not see Martin until he was directly in front of him, that he did not realize he was a person, but thought he was part of the car from which he had been thrown, and that he did not know he had run into him.

Better MORTON -- The driver of a car involved in an accident that killed three Morton youths Sunday says he did not see them early enough to avoid hitting them.

2.      Don't begin with a generality.

General Plans were being made today for doubling the capacity of the city's sewage treatment plant.	Specific Cost estimates and blueprints were being drawn up today for doubling the capacity of the city's sewage treatment plant
General Work is progressing on a $107,000 complex of 11 tennis courts, the city Parks and Recreation Commission reported last night.	Specific Grading has been completed and fences have been installed for a $107,000 complex of 11 tennis courts, the city Parks and Recreation Commission reported last night.
General Professor Beth Carlisle spoke last night on the development of the French language.	Specific The purity of the French language spoken by Frenchmen themselves has deteriorated "profoundly" during this century, Professor Beth Carlisle told students at the monthly academic forum.

3.      Be wary of figures.

Before a crowd of 4,000, Fremont's Pathfinders trampled Roosevelt's Rough Riders 42-6 for the state high school football championship.

Figures must be placed in context. Is this a large crowd, or is the stadium only half full?

Inconclusive

Central High School's flood relief drive stood at $1,500 today.

Better

Central High School's flood relief drive stood at $1,500 today, 50 percent of the goal.

Also, don't slow the pace by overcrowding figures.

There are 3.5 million eligible voters in the state, of whom 1.7 million are over 18, yet only 391,000, or less than 25 percent, are registered to vote.

4.      Don't back into the lead.

Backing into the lead means the lead has not been written with the most important information first. In other words, the writer has not featured the feature. If a writer backs into the lead, the most important information is often near the end of the lead paragraph, when it should be first. Also, remember that news comes first, attribution second.

Not the greatest Dr. Robert P. Fowler, Southwestern University president, announced today that a medical school will be established on the campus next year.	Better A medical school will be established at Southwestern University next year, President Robert P. Fowler announced today.
Not the greatest According to Adm. Elmo P. Zumwalt, chief of naval operations, Navy seamen may henceforth sport mustaches, beards, goatees, flared sideburns and long hair.	Better Navy seamen may now sport mustaches, beards, goatees, flared sideburns and long hair, Adm. Elmo P. Zumwalt, chief of naval operations, announced today.

5.      Don't bury the lead.

Burying the lead is even worse than backing into the lead. Burying the lead means the writer places the major element several paragraphs down in the story.

Not the greatest

On Friday, May 19, and Saturday, May 20, the Valley League Championship Track Meet was held in Prarie Hill. Schools in the league are Monroe, Carlton, Williams, Newland, Littlefield, Evanston, Prairie Hill, and Corbett.

Prairie Hill's boys team placed third, scoring 103 points. Top scoring efforts on the team were put out by Tom Lawrence with 28.5 points and Syd Sidewell with 24 points.

The girls team placed fourth with 94 points. The girls team was strong in the distances with a one, two finish in the 1,500 meter and 3,000 meter.

Better

The boys' track team placed third with 103 points and the girls' team fourth with 94 points in the Valley League Championships held in Prairie Hill May 19-20.

6.      Avoid "question" leads.

The question lead is an overworked tool of the lazy writer. The reporter's job is to inform, not ask questions. The question lead works best if the article focuses on answering the question posed in the lead.

How can auto insurance rates be lowered?

The answer to that question will be sought at a public hearing conducted by the state insurance commissioner at 7 p.m. tomorrow in the council chamber in City Hall.

It's also best if it can be answered quickly.

Will Riverside annex the Brockhurst subdivision? The city council decided last night that the answer is "No."

It can, however, be used quite effectively, often with a feature approach.

What is born in dung, makes love in flight, has no sting, and doesn't travel before 10 in the morning? The love bug, that's what. The pesky, little, windshield-smearing, radiator-clogging love bug.

In Florida and other Gulf Coast states, love bugs are a semi-annual nuisance. This year they are like a plague. . .

7.      Avoid quotation leads.

Quotation leads, too, are cop-outs by lazy writers. Quotations rarely capture the essence of a news story in a succinct manner. Occasionally, however, a quote can provide a powerful opening:

"Dying is beautiful," Lyn Helton confided to her tape recorder, "even the first time around, at the ripe old age of 20."

She made the comments two months ago, as bone cancer sapped her strength.

For most instances, however, rather than relying on a quotation, a reporter's paraphrase can brighten, shorten and clarify what the source said:

Children are not cocktails that need shaking to be good, a physician warns.

8.      Beware of "phrase" leads.

Not the greatest

At a meeting of ASB officers yesterday, the president resigned because he plans to graduate and enter college early.

Better

ASB President Ken Marshfield resigned yesterday, announcing he plans to graduate early and attend college.

Be wary of phrases such as:

In a unanimous vote. . .
During the game. . .
During class. . .
At a cost of. . .
For the third time. . .
On the morning of. . .
At a meeting of. . .
According to. . .
It was announced that. . .

The phrase lead essentially forces the writer to back into the lead.

Story 1

Dr Michael Kai is a scientist with the Papua New Guinea Department of Primary Industry. He has been working for ten years on a project to breed larger pigs. One of his pigs, an adult male, has been weighed at 350 kgs. This is the heaviest pig ever to have been bred in Papua New Guinea. Mr Kai hopes to use this animal to breed other very large pigs.

Story 2

A school bus ran off City Road in Suva, narrowly missed an electricity pole and came to rest in a garden. Most of the bus windows were smashed. There were more than 30 children on the bus. They were going to Martyr School. It was a 36-seater bus. All the children escaped serious injury. Some of them jumped out of the bus and grazed themselves. Eye-witnesses said the children were helped from the bus screaming and shouting and in a state of panic. This happened this morning.

Wednesday, November 5 pulling out news leads and analyzing, as to what type of lead is featured

Last grade for this marking period.  You have until Friday to turn in any missing work, at which point the assignment will be a zero. 
Learning target: Identifying the specific type of lead used in a 

news article and how verb choice engages the reader.

Why is the inverted pyramid so important to journalists? 


1. For readers, they can skim the top of a story and know they have read the most important information.

2. For editors, they can cut the bottoms off of a story and know they’re still saving the most important part for readers.

3. For writers, they have an easy way to organize their thoughts — from most important to least important.

Below you will find  5 current news stories. 

1. In a word document, copy out the lead and then identify 
the following:

2.  Type of lead: name lead (who), event lead (what), time lead 

(when), place lead- (where), cause lead (why) or manner lead 

(how)


3. Underline the verb (s) used in the lead. 


4. Bold any adjectives used in the lead.


5. In a complete sentence, answer the following for each. Why 

specifically is this an effective news lead? Draw on your 

previous knowledge of what makes a good lead. Check 

Monday's blog, if needed to remind yourself of the qualities of 

a good lead.


6. Send along, as usual.

News story 1

Pirate Bay co-founder 'TiAMO' arrested in Thailand

Hans Fredrik Lennart Neij, known to hackers as TiAMO, was detained in the north-eastern Thai town of Nong Khai.

He was subject to an international warrant after he was convicted in 2009 of aiding copyright infringement.

Pirate Bay, which offers an expansive list of links to pirated content, is one of the world's most-visited sites.

The 36-year-old Swede was convicted by a Swedish court five years ago.

He and three others were given one-year sentences and ordered to pay $3.6m (£2.4m) in damages.

Neij fled Sweden whilst on bail.

"Mr Neij was detained ... while trying to cross into Thailand from Laos where he had been living since 2012," Thailand regional police chief Chartchai Eimsaeng told reporters.

Neij had been living in Laos since 2012 and travelled nearly 30 times to Thailand, where he has a house on the resort island of Phukat, Maj Gen Eimsaeng added.

Another Pirate Bay co-founder, Gottfrid Warg, was arrested in Cambodia in 2012 and sent back to Sweden to serve his sentence for the same conviction, as well as face a separate hacking trial in Denmark.

Last week, he was sentenced by a Danish court to three-and-a-half years in prison for hacking into computers and illegally downloading files from IT giant CSC.

News story 2

Mexican mayor arrested over students’ abduction

Police have detained the former mayor of the southern Mexican city of Iguala, who officials say hat left six dead and 43 missing.José Luis Abarca and his wife, Maria de los Angeles Pineda, were arrested inMexico City without resisting, according to two security officials. They provided no other details.

The couple were in the custody of the attorney general’s office, where they were giving statements. More than a month after the attacks, Mexican authorities still have not determined the whereabouts of the 43 students, undermining President Enrique Peña Nieto’s claims that Mexico has become safer under his watch.

The students disappeared after an attack by police on the rural teachers’ college in Iguala, which is in the southern Mexican state of Guerrero. Authorities say it was ordered by Abarca, who thought the students were aiming to interrupt a speech by Pineda, and was carried out by police working with the Guerreros Unidos cartel. Authorities say Pineda was an operative in the cartel.

The search for the students has taken authorities to the hills above Iguala, where 30 bodies have been found in mass graves but not identified so far as any of the students. Last week, the search turned to a gully near a rubbish dump in the neighbouring city of Cocula, but still no remains have been identified.

News story 3

U.S. officials consider striking another militant group in Syria, Jabhat al-Nusra

By Karen DeYoung November 3 at 8:58 PM  Follow @karendeyoung1

U.S. officials are weighing whether to broaden the air campaign in Syria to strike a militant group that is a rival to the Islamic State and that is poised to take over a strategically vital corridor from Turkey.

Extremists from the al-Qaeda-linked Jabhat al-Nusra group were said Monday to be within a few miles of the Bab ­al-Hawa crossing in northwestern Syria on the Turkish border, one of only two openings through which the moderate Free Syrian Army receives military and humanitarian supplies provided by the United States and other backers.

Over the weekend, rebels said Jabhat al-Nusra forces swept through towns and villages controlled by the Free Syrian Army in Idlib province, west of Aleppo. Rebel groups associated with the Free Syrian Army were routed from their main strongholds, with scores of fighters fleeing toward Turkey or defecting to join the militants, according to opposition activists.

Apart from one attack by Tomahawk missiles against an ­al-Qaeda cell within Jabhat al-Nusra in late September,when the Syrian airstrikes began, U.S. and Arab warplanes have been targeting the Islamic State, a separate group that the administration has made clear is its primary target in Iraq and Syria.

The recent fighting in northwestern Syria has been taking place a long way from areas farther east where U.S. and Arab warplanes have been pounding Islamic State positions.

But U.S. concern has grown rapidly in recent days amid fears about the border crossing, according to senior administration officials who spoke about internal discussions on the condition of anonymity.

Officials cautioned that no proposal for expanded airstrikes has reached the level of decision-making, and its main advocates may not include the White House.

New story 4

Fresh Ebola outbreak in Sierra Leone raises fears of new infection chain

A fresh outbreak of Ebola in a part of Sierra Leone where the virus was thought to have been contained has raised fears of a new, uncontrolled infection chain that could send the death toll soaring.

A Red Cross ambulance team was sent to the remote district of Koinadugu, which had prided itself on being the only area to have kept Ebola at bay, from on Tuesday to urgently collect 30 corpses for medical burial.

The outbreak is a major setback for the Ebola response force and the district, which two weeks ago remained resolved to control the spread of the virus that has officially infected 5,338 people and claimed 1,510 lives in the country.

Koinadugu has been operating a self-imposed quarantine for four months, thanks to the intervention of an expat businessman, Momah Konte, who returned from Washington and worked with local officials and tribal chiefs to try to prevent the spread.

The Red Cross said an emergency burial team was making the five-hour journey from Freetown on Tuesday to collect the bodies in the Nenie chiefdom east of the district’s capital Kabala.

A spokesman said that there were reports of a further 25 ill with Ebola and another 255 being monitored after coming into contact with the dead and the sick.

Ebola outbreaks over time

13,567 total number of cases as of 31 October 2014

News Story 5

Pakistani Christian Couple Burned Alive in Kiln for Torching Quran

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan — A Christian couple were allegedly burned alive in an industrial kiln in Pakistan on Tuesday after angry workers discovered they had set fire to several verses of the Quran, a local activist said. Shahbaz Maseeh, 26, and his wife Shama Bibi, 24, were attacked by colleagues at the brick factory where they worked in Punjab province, according to Mushtaq Gill, chief advocate at Pakistani minority rights group LEAD. He said they had planned to flee their town with their three young children.

"A mob of several dozen attacked the building where they were, " said Gill, whose organization’s full name is the Legal Evangelical Association Development. "They broke their legs so they couldn't run and then threw them in the fire. Only some bones and hair were found at the site." Punjab province is home to the majority of Pakistan's around four million Christians. Gill said that word got out over the weekend that several verses of the Quran were among items burnt by Bibi after they were left behind by her deceased father. Setting fire to the religious text is considered blasphemy in Pakistan. While technically punishable by death under strict Islamic law, it is more common for vigilante mobs to take matters into their own hands. Speaking on condition of anonymity, a police official told NBC News up to 35 people were believed to be involved in the attack and that arrests were under way.

Tuesday, November 4 passive to active voice practice

In class: practice with active and passive tense.

Learning target: understanding and demonstrating the use of the active voice in lead writing.Remember that your leads are written in the active voice. Below is a review and practice examples. After reviewing the material, demonstrate that 
Active and Passive Voice

Summary: This examples below will explain the difference between active and passive voice in 

writing. It gives examples of both, and shows how to turn a passive sentence into an active one. Also, 

it explains how to decide when to choose passive voice instead of active.

Using Active Versus Passive Voice

In a sentence using active voice, the subject of the sentence performs the action expressed in the verb.

 The arrow points from the subject performing the action (the dog) to the individual being acted upon (the boy). This is an example of a sentence using the active voice.

The subject performing the action described by the verb.

 The active voice sentence subject (watching a framed, mobile world) performs the action of reminding the speaker of something.
Active voice is used for most non-scientific writing.Using active voice for the majority of your sentences makes your meaning clear for readers, and keeps the sentences from becoming too complicated or wordy. Even in scientific writing, too much use of passive voice can cloud the meaning of your sentences.

 The action is performed upon the sentence subject, meaning this sentence is passive (indirect).

This is an example of the active voice because the sentence subject performs the action.

This is an example of the passive voice.

This is an example of an active voice sentence because the sentence subject performs the action.

Image Caption: This is an example of the passive voice.

 This is an example of an active voice sentence because its subject performs the action expressed in the verb.

Sentences in active voice are also more concise than those in passive voice because fewer words are required to express action in active voice than in passive.

This passive voice sentence is less concise than its active voice counterpart (shown below).

This active voice sentence requires fewer words to communicate the same idea as the passive voice version (above).

This passive voice sentence is more wordy than an active voice version.

This active voice sentence is more concise than the passive voice version (above) because the subject directly performs the action.

 

YOUR TURN    Due by midnight. Send along as a word document.

1. The school was struck by lightning.


2. This morning the burglar was arrested by the police.


3. One type of air pollution is caused by hydrocarbons.


4. An elaborate supper for the miners was prepared by Mr. Patel and his children.


5. The cookies were stolen by the Mad Hatter.


6. New York City's Central Park was designed in 1857 by F.L. Olmsted and Calbert Vaux.


7. It was decided by the court that the contract was invalid.


8. The first commercially successful portable vacuum cleaner was invented by a janitor who was allergic to dust.


9. After Leonardo da Vinci's death, the Mona Lisa was purchased by King Francis I of France.


10. The allegorical novel Animal Farm was written by British author George Orwell during World War II.
11. Before the semester was over, the new nursing program had been approved by the Curriculum Committee and the Board of Trustees.
12.  With five seconds left in the game, an illegal time-out was called by one of the players.
13. Later in the day, the employees were informed of their loss of benefits by the boss herself.
14. The major points of the lesson were quickly learned by the class, but they were also quickly forgotten by them.
15. For several years, Chauncey was raised by his elderly grandmother.
16. An unexpected tornado smashed several homes and uprooted trees in a suburb of Knoxville.
17. Participants in the survey were asked about their changes in political affiliation.
18. Tall buildings and mountain roads were avoided by Raoul because he had such a fear of heights.
19. "The Yellow Wallpaper" was written by Charlotte Perkins Gilman.
20. I was surprised by the teacher's lack of sympathy.

Monday, November 3 lead practice continued

Tips for Writing a Lead

1. The Five W’s and H: Before writing a lead, decide which aspect of the story – who, what, when, where, why, how – is most important. You should emphasize those aspects in your lead. Wait to explain less important aspects until the second or third sentence.
2. Conflict: Good stories have conflict. So do many good leads.
3. Specificity: Though you are essentially summarizing information in most leads, try to be specific as possible. If your lead is too broad, it won’t be informative or interesting.
4. Brevity: Readers want to know why the story matters to them and they won’t wait long for the answer. Leads are often one sentence, sometimes two. Generally, they are 25 to 30 words and should rarely be more than 40. This is somewhat arbitrary, but it’s important – especially for new journalists – to learn how to deliver information concisely. 
5. Active sentences: Strong verbs will make your lead lively and interesting. Passive constructions,on the other hand, can sound dull and leave out important information, such as the person or thing that caused the action. Incomplete reporting is often a source of passive leads.
6. Audience and context: Take into account what your reader already knows. Remember that in today’s media culture, most readers become aware of breaking news as it happens. If you’re writing for a print publication the next day, your lead should do more than merely regurgitate yesterday’s news.
7. Honesty: A lead is an implicit promise to your readers. You must be able to deliver what you promise in your lead.

What to Avoid

1. Flowery Language- many beginning writers make the 

mistake of overusing adverbs and adjectives in their leads.

Concentrate instead on using strong verbs and nouns.


2. Unnecessary words or phrases: Watch out for unintentional redundancy. For example, 2 p.m. Wednesday afternoon, or very unique. You can’t afford to waste space in a news story, especially in the lead. Avoid clutter and cut right to the heart of the story.

3. Formulaic leads: because a lot of news writing is done on deadline, the temptation to write tired leads is strong. Resist it. Readers want information, but they also want to be entertained. Your lead must sound genuine, not merely mechanical.

4. It: Most editors frown on leads that begin with the word it, because it is not precise and disorients the reader.  Professional writers understand the need for clear, concise prose. An industry standard for helping work place writers achieve user-centered, persuasive  and clear prose is the Paramedic Method. When you use the Paramedic Method, you will reduce your word count by eliminating passive voice and redundancies. 

 The Paramedic Method is an easy to learn systematic way to make your sentences more persuasive and user-centered

Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into)

Draw a box around the "is" verb forms.




Ask. "Where's the action?"



Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking whom)




Eliminate any unnecessary, slow wind-ups.



Eliminate any redundancies.

1. Let's try these as a class:

   1.Use an ACTIVE verb with a clear SUBJECT—put the subject first:
   An account was opened by Mrs. Simms. 
   
   
   2. Squeeze long verb phrases into single ACTIVE verbs:

   The departure of the fleet is thought to be necessarily conditional on the weather. 

2. 
   
3. Avoid "shun" words—nominalization


My recommendation is for a larger budget. 


4. Revise all "expletive" sentences beginning with "there is" or "there are" or "this is."


There is a certain possibility that Joe will visit before Thanksgiving. 


5 Shift verbs to the positive from the negative:


Do not accept bids that are not signed. 

1. 1. The decision was made by my boss yesterday.
   
   
   2. Their motives were applauded by us, but their wisdom was doubted.
   
   
   3. The meeting was coordinated by Doug in Paul's absence.
   
   
   4. Even when the sun is hidden and the sky is speckled with stars, the heat lingers, hanging motionless in the air.
   
   
   5. There were ten students in Mrs. Robinson's class.
   
   
   6. It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills.
   
   
   7. Controlling the quality and level of television shows that children watch is a continuing challenge to parents that they must meet on a daily basis.
   
   
   8. Your figures were checked by the research department.
   
   
   9. My recommendation is for a larger budget.
   
   
   10. It is essential that we act immediately.
   
   
   11. Please take into consideration my offer.
   
   
   12. Our disposal procedure is in conformity with federal standards.
   
   
   13. We are currently in the situation of completing our investigation of all aspects of the accident.
   
   
   14. There are many women who never marry.
   
   
   15. The fact of the matter is that machines merely amplify worker's abilities and exist only as they are able to do the bidding of workers effectively.
   
   
   16. There are people that have the impression that Spanish is our first language, and English is a second.
   
   
   17. There was a bonfire going, and some music playing in the background, but not very many people were dancing.
   
   
   18. The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money.
   
   
   19. It is our hope that you will find these changes mutually beneficial for yourself and your students.
   
   
   20. The impact of the shortage of paper in the publishing industry is that it is not a short term problem but will be with us for some time to come and can seriously affect the number of books produced by the industry.